The 4 Confidence Traps Holding You Back – and How to Break Free Today

Confidence is that elusive quality we all “know” we need but often struggle to harness. We’ve all been there—second-guessing our decisions, downplaying our wins, or hesitating when we should be standing tall. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why does confidence come so naturally for them and not for me?”, this is for you.

The truth is self-confidence doesn’t just ‘happen.’ It’s built. And sometimes, even the strongest women fall into what I call “confidence traps”—subtle, sneaky habits that keep us from fully owning our power. The good news is you can break free from them starting right now.

Today, we’re diving into the 4 common confidence traps many women leaders face, the archetypes they create, and 3 simple actions you can take to step into your unapologetic, fierce self.

The 4 Common Confidence Traps and Their Impacts

1. Blame-Betty – The Fixer Who Owns Everyone Else’s Mess: You assume responsibility when things go sideways, even if it wasn’t your fault. Blame-Betty walks around thinking, “I should’ve done more” or “I didn’t prepare them enough.
   The Impact: You spend so much energy cleaning up messes that aren’t yours, leaving little room to appreciate your wins or move forward.
   

2. Modesty-Mia – The Team Player Who Fades into the Background: You’re the type who always credits someone else for your success. You may be quick to  say, “It was a team effort” or “I was just lucky.”
   The Impact:  By refusing to own your achievements, you leave the door open for others to take credit for your hard work.
   

3. Perfect-Polly – The Perfectionist Who Can’t Let Go:  You wait for everything to be perfect before you act. You spend endless hours refining, tweaking, and second-guessing, terrified of mistakes.
   The Impact: Paralysis by perfection. You spend so much time trying to be perfect, that you miss opportunities to shine or even make progress.
   

4. “Yeah-But”-Yolanda – The Queen of Self-Doubt:  No matter how many compliments or successes you rack up, you always respond with a “Yeah, but…” to diminish the win. Yeah-But-Yolanda says things like, “Yeah, but anyone could’ve done that,” or “Yeah, but I got lucky.”
   The Impact: You don’t give yourself permission to fully embrace your wins, leaving your confidence stuck in a loop of self-doubt.
   

How to Break Free from These Confidence Traps

No more playing small. No more hiding behind “Yeah, buts” or being stuck in perfectionism. It’s time to break free from these traps and step into your unapologetic, fierce self—today. Here are 3 actions you can take right now to start shifting those confidence-killers.

1. Reframe Your Inner Dialogue: You wouldn’t let someone speak to your best friend the way you talk to yourself, would you? So why allow those negative thoughts to linger? When you catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt or blame, stop and reframe. Instead of saying, “I totally messed that up,” try “I learned a lot from this and now I know better for next time.”
   Bonus Tip:  Write down those reframed thoughts. Seeing them on paper is a game-changer—it turns abstract feelings into concrete, actionable beliefs.

2. Own Your Wins, Loud and Proud: Modesty has no place in leadership. Here’s a simple mantra: *I did that.* When someone gives you praise, don’t deflect. Say, “Thank you! I worked really hard on that, and I’m proud of the results.” Practice owning your wins daily, even in small conversations.
   Bonus Tip: Start a "Wins Journal" where you jot down your achievements, big and small, every day. Review it regularly to remind yourself of the badass leader you are.

3. Ditch Perfection for Progress: Perfection is a myth, and waiting for everything to be flawless is a waste of your time. Next time you feel the pull of Perfect-Polly, set a timer and commit to finishing a task within that window. Is it perfect? Probably not. But it’s done—and done is better than perfect.
   Bonus Tip: Adopt the motto: "Progress over perfection." Every day, take *one small step* forward, no matter how messy.

Step into Your Confidence

Listen, we’ve all fallen into these traps at one point or another—it’s part of being human. But staying there? That’s a choice. Recognizing your personal confidence trap is the first step toward breaking free and owning your full potential.

Want to dig deeper? Download my free Confidence Checkpoint coaching exercise to identify your biggest confidence trap and get personalized strategies to break free. You don’t have to stay stuck in the same patterns—today is the day to unleash your confidence and step into the fierce, unapologetic leader you’re meant to be.

Remember: No apologies, just results.

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